|Dress: Tibi, Clutch: Nine West, Beads: Vintage, Booties: Tahari|
I needed to hear our pastor's message today. It is so refreshing to witness him stand in front of the church and admit their struggles as a family. You see, he had some disruption in his home during this week of Thanksgiving and felt that many others probably did too. Boy was he right on target, so much so that he must have had a bug in my home.
We talked about James 4:1-10, what causes fights and quarrels. Ultimately they come from our desires that battle within us. When we don't get what we want then we quarrel and fight. When we ask for things we don't receive them because we are asking with wrong motives, that we may spend for our pleasures.
I guess it is time for truth, that's what this journey is about right?
Ever since the first of November I have been struggling. I thought that because I had agreed to submit, things would be far better and I would be more joyful. They haven't been, and I have not been. Life has been harder. I now know it is because I have had to let go of some things, and I haven't had the right attitude about it. Some of these things brought joy, and to give them up stripped me of my mini escapes from everyday life, hurts, etc. I suppose I thought God would magically make me grateful, but instead I have been bitter because I am on a tight budget. I can't run through Starbucks, go on fancy date nights, head out on impromptu weekend trips, get my nails done, blow through Marshalls' clearance rack, or get a massage. I am embarrassed about the brat I have become, but I am just being real.
Our pastor talked about sources of pain in our homes, and wouldn't you know number one on the list was selfish desires. I think my selfishness during submitting has given satan an open door to attack. He knows that I am on a mission, and I have allowed him to get in my head, and bring up old hurts and insecurities. I have taken it out on my husband, and my family. For that I am sorry.
Sometimes I feel like I should hold back on the blog, but then I remind myself that I would be lying if I pretended it was all candy canes and gumdrops and I didn't have one ounce of temptation or struggle. So there you go, and now you know how to be praying for me. Here's to a better week ahead! :)