Every day, fighting breast cancer becomes a little less scary. I have already made it through my first chemo topped with a dose of Strep Throat and I am still going. The only other side effect that I am experiencing right now is dry cracked lips. I could barely open my mouth to eat this morning without pain. After calling my oncologist this afternoon, her solution was Lansinoh, something I used for dry cracked nipples while nursing my babies! So weird, but she was right and it's working. I am so thankful to feel good other than this small annoyance. I am not even scared of loosing my hair anymore. I have the date set for my buzz cut, as my hair will begin to fall out after my next treatment on December 3rd. I am sure it will be emotional, but I am not afraid.
There is always something to be grateful for.
I was able to be loved on again this past weekend, to spend time with my (SOFLO) south florida girlfriends. Of course I always want to get away, but I didn't realize how much I needed it until I got there. I laughed, I cried and I danced...and it felt good. I shared my heart and that felt good too. Many times my eyes aren't open to my own behaviors and habits until I hear them back from my friends. The friends that love me the most. This weekend I told them about my fears of going through chemo without my spouse by my side. I cry when I see a husband holding his wife's hand in the waiting room, I tear up in the valet when I watch a husband open the door and buckle his wife in the car safely. I told my friends I wasn't looking forward to the holidays because everything will be so different this year. My ideals are wrecked and everything that I have had in the past is gone. I have to accept a new normal, and find joy in that all while fighting breast cancer at the same time.
Something else I am learning:
Don't ever assume that what you feel in your heart is the same as what someone else feels for you.
I would be a fool to think that there won't be more pain coming, but I refuse to let it steal my joy one more minute. I'll give my heart, but I'll give it to friends and family that will protect it. I will accept that the holidays will be different this year and enjoy every minute that I have with my children, friends and family. I will release my ideals and pray that God will replace them one day with something so much more than I can even imagine. It really is the only way, He's been here through it all of it. Take a minute to watch and listen: